Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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