Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
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