it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
