my room smells like sperm. sweet.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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