I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
