Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I deserve this hangover.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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