Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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