I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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