Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
