Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
