She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
