My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
