all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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