SEEEEXXX PLEASE
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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