i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
