You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
