You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
