How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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