Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
