fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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