I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
