Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
