it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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