I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
