Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
