I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
