I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
