He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
