Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
