So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
how does that bad decision feel?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
