I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
