Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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