True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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