watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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