Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
