Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
