I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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