Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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