Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
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