Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Randomize
