i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
