i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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