you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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