Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
