I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Randomize
