so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
