arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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