I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
NoShamevember. You game?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My penis needs a shock collar
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
