When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
