I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
